Pieces: Seeing beauty in destruction | A Personal Post | February 20, 2016

PiecesHeaderMoments Captured by Kate Panza_0428
Last week, after months of hibernation, I sat at my computer and blogged about love.
Not in the typical way, of kisses and chocolates.   Couples embracing, red lips and big smiles.
This year, love looked a lot like a beautiful mess on my table.  J gave me the most beautiful, bright bouquet of flowers.  He said the colors reminded him of me.
I stared at love in a vase.  My daughter walked in the room.  She glanced at love too, gaze lingered.  Soft smile hit her lips, then she skipped out.
Suddenly, I was aware of another area of my life that was automatic.  By default, I’ve always left bouquets as they came.  But why?  Why not divide this gift?
So, we spilled flowers and shared beauty.  It felt very symbolic of the bigger picture of self:  our gifts are meant for sharing.

One of the last images I shared in that blog, was of my precious Bible.  One that has traversed with me through the darkest season of my life, to this point of time – the very brightest.
All last week, I was reflecting on the promises of God.  Feeling very urged to take them from my head to my heart.  During lunch with a friend, she stared at me and asked if I’d collected all of those promises
and written them in one place.
I haven’t.  Those promises were written over years, in the margins.  Pages of underlines, highlights and handwritten notes left to rediscover on a distant day.

I had just made the decision to take my friend’s challenge and write them all out.  Beginning with Psm 139:  my life’s chapter.
I’d planned to start this weekend.  Buy a new journal, specific to this task. To collect years of promises on single pages.  Smile, wait and celebrate as they came to pass.

Yesterday, I came home to discover this.

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My family was devastated for me.  My children kept apologizing.  My son brought me wildflowers to sooth a wounded heart.
Our little dog, who has never done anything like this in her 4 years, dragged my Bible from my reading chair and destroyed the heart of it – the very center.
Destroyed Chapter 139 into shreds and pieces.

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At first, I had a fleeting moment of ending the life of one small fur ball.  But as quickly as the thought came, it vanished.  Because I knew who was behind this vicious, personal attack.
While I have a lover of my soul, I also have one whose primary objective is to destroy it.
In this season, God has been speaking to my identity.  It was no coincidence that my friend told me to collect those promises.
Because promises are our inheritance.
And we fail to inherit what we don’t know we possess.

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The enemy of my soul lashed out a very personal attack.  Destroy the one physical object I hold most dear.
What he failed to realize, was that I will tape these pieces together.  It won’t prevent me, but drive me to seek out what he’s hell bent on keeping me from.
Because he’s desperate, miserable and defeated.  And misery loves company.  Unfortunate for him, he won’t get any.

While my heart is tender, saddened at this loss, I took these pieces to my Father.
And He gave me a gift much greater.  He whispered that what the enemy meant for harm, was meant for good.
That Bible was a collection of old promises.  All good, all true.  All mine.
But He’s ready to give me a collection of new ones.  And to start shopping for the next Bible, so He can whisper those, in this next season.

These images were taken with my  iphone, I couldn’t bring myself to shoot it with my gear.
But I wanted to capture this too.  Because in the midst of all the torn and mangled pieces, a discovery:  a heart.  He’s ALWAYS showing me hearts.  Even in this.

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If you look closely, it says:  his own.
If something in your life, feels like it was torn into a million pieces, look again.  There’s treasure to be found in the wreckage.
We only need the perspective of love to see it.

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So, on my desk is my son’s “flower” and my new heart.
To remind me:  God’s always up to something good.  And He’s excited to give you a whole new generation of promises too.

With gratitude,


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